i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
