I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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