i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
