I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Randomize
