my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Operation Purity has been aborted
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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