All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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