I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
