i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
