I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She needs sedatives and a leash
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
