Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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