Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
