i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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