i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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