I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
