Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
