I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
