I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
