Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
