I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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