I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
