too bad you live with your parents still
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
