i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I love having hate sex.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
