you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
