I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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