do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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