I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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