When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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