I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
