shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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