i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
