i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
