I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
