I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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