She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
40s are totally the cure
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
