she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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