I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
