Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
