I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
