i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pants are for mortals
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