so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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