Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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