is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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