i don't like sucking hair
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
