i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
