It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
