I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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