Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You were trust falling into bushes
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
