My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
