you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
