this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
