Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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