peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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