Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
True strength comes from lack of pants
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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