I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
